The world is still reeling from the news that that the queen of daytime television will be abandoning her current talk show at the end of next season. Well, maybe it's just the world of stay-at-home moms and the unemployed that's reeling, but regardless, the question on everyone's minds is: what will Ms. Winfrey do next? While many consider it a given that she'll simply star on a new series on OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network, natch), we think that she should set her sights a little higher. Primetime high. Here's our unsolicited job advice for her:
10. Star in Her Own CSI Spin-Off
CSI: Chicago would be a natural fit for Oprah. We imagine that upon seeing a dead body, she would react much like she does when Dr. Oz is educating her talk show audience: "Look at all that bloooooooood! I didn't know that could haaaaappppen!"
9. Record a Cross-Country Trip With Gayle
Perhaps Oprah and her bestie Gayle King can continue the road trip they began three summers ago, but do it in front of cameras. We could see them nitpick each other to no end, but then eventually make up because Oprah and Gayle go together like peanut butter and jelly. This road trip would also show us how rich people view the world. Remember when Oprah admitted that she hadn't pumped gas since 1983?
8. Become Liz Lemon's Spiritual Advisor on 30 Rock
Oprah's guest spot last season could be reprised and extended, provided Liz hallucinates on a regular basis. Since every successful (or just creepy) person seems to have a spiritual advisor these days, Oprah could help Liz with positive affirmations and suggestions for how to make Dealbreakers a worldwide obsession -- kind of like what Oprah did with The Secret, except the secret really wasn't a secret.
7. Join The Biggest Loser with Trainer Bob Greene
We're all painfully familiar with Oprah's on-and-off love affair with exercise, so who better to bring some love and understanding to The Biggest Loser? This reality series would turn into the huggiest, most tear-filled thing on TV - ever (move over, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition). The original Bob of personal-trainer fame would totally kick that other Bob's ass, too.
6. Play a Vampire on True Blood
Oprah used to set trends, telling a rapt audience which favorite things to buy and books to read. But there's one major pop-culture trend that she completely failed to anticipate or influence: vampires. A recurring spot on True Blood would take care of that, making her relevant to a new generation of women. Plus, we'd love to see her with those cool F/X retractable fangs.